Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
