How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
