Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
