There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
