By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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