dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
