need another drink. this is the easiest way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how does that bad decision feel?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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