your thong is hanging out like whoa
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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