He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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