Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
