Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
