Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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