I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
