dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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