can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
