ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
