yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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