I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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