Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
