He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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