the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
