She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
