I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
