Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
