A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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