Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
