If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
