She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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