I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
