I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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