you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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