last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
