he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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