im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
