new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
