so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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