I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
