someone threw a dead crab at me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
