Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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