My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
