I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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