you traded sex for a burrito?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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