i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
