What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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