I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to cum in my sink.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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