haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
