i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
