3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
