nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
