Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
