Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
