I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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