Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
