Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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